Save the couches!

You know it’s a slow news day when the headline story in the News Gazette is about the Urbana Student Council’s (whoops I mean City Council’s) debate over whether or not to ban indoor furniture on front porches. I think the next debate should be on getting better fish sticks for the cafeteria, or Bonnie Bell Lip-gloss dispensers in the girls bathroom. Like, totally!

You've got to pick a pocket or two...

After you’ve had your fill of feed at the Sweet Corn Festival, make sure to head over to the Champaign-Urbana Theatre Company’s rendition of Oliver at the historic Virginia Theatre in downtown Champaign. Oliver is favorite of mine (what other musicals promote pick pocketing?!) and I'm looking forward to seeing it. I’ll be there on Saturday if you want to catch me! Personally, I’ve attended at least 20 productions of the CUTC and I’ve never been anything but impressed with the professionalism and quality of their performances. Word on the streets is that Heather Johnson does an amazing job as Nancy! Support the arts, go see Oliver!

You are what you eat... CORNY!

When you think of outdoor festivals certain foods come to mind: cotton candy, funnel cakes, French fries, lemon shake-ups. Most of these foods are relatively easy to eat. Usually they are served on sticks, in cups with straws, or of the fried variety (typical finger food). Which brings me to my point: This weekend marks the 31st annual Downtown Urbana Sweetcorn Festival. Sweetcorn of all foods should not be the inspiration for a festival. There are many reasons for this and a main one being that it is one of the least fair friendly foods ever created.

The whole act of eating corn on the cob is particularly unattractive and should never be done on a first date. First, the eater holds the soaking wet ear of corn in their hands where they then spread on gobs of melted margarine and salt. By the time you even get the corn to your mouth your shirt is most likely peppered with drips of oleo. Eating corn on the cob also requires one to bend their back at a near 90-degree angle so to not get corn and butter juice runoff from the chin to other parts of the body. If that wasn’t bad enough, once you have finished your corn and you’ve wiped the excess kernels from your cheeks, there are the pesky kernels that have permanently lodged themselves into the crevices of your teeth.

Now, I have attended the Urbana Sweetcorn Festival on several occasions, and while I’ve succumbed to the temptation of drinking beer behind neon orange snow fencing at 10am, I have never once had the urge to eat the sweetcorn predominantly due to it’s messy nature. Now maybe if they called it the Key Lime Pie on a Stick Festival ,I might be interested…

Patt Vs. Hathaway

When I was a child my sister and I spent countless hours being babysat by the television. While we frequently had differences of opinions about what shows to watch, we always agreed on one thing: If we were watching the Beverly Hillbillies, if and when Jane Hathaway were to appear we must, at all costs, change the channel. For years this woman has haunted me. I’m not sure if it was her ridged personality towards Mr. Drysdale, poor sense of fashion taste, or weird New England accent, but something always struck a nerve.

Years passed and I forgot about Jane Hathaway, that was until Esther Patt came along. Can we not state the obvious here, but let’s take a look. General appearance is a spitting image, personality (from little there is) seems on, and overall pessimism seems right on the money. Can we contribute her letter to the editor as another “stick in the mud” Esterism, or is she backing up her buddy Laurel? Probably both.

Going cold turkey isn't as delicious as it sounds.

Wild turkeys may not have been the choice for the national symbol (as Benjamin Franklin wanted), but are undoubtedly a valuable resource for the City of Urbana. Studies have demonstrated that turkeys are an important insect consumer, thus benefiting crop fields, lawns, gardens and farmers more than most realize. Beetles, weevils, dragonflies and larvae are common turkey treats. They also consume spiders, harvestmen, ticks, millipedes, centipedes, snails and slugs. And who wants those things around? As we all know, the mayor of Urbana finds it necessary to call in the feds to take care of these atrocious bug-eating birds. I wonder how much this venture is going to cost the city. You know, I spotted a rare snowy owl twice on Race Street. Maybe we should call the Feds in for that one too. I wish my tax dollars were put to a better use. I’m going to miss those cute birdies.

http://www.kidzone.ws/animals/turkeypuzzle.htm

Welcome Back Kotter

It's my least favorite time of year again, time for the students to return to campus. The calm and serine campus we grow to love over the summer is instantly transformed back into the garbage coated, beer ladened and urine covered institution we commonly recognize nine months out of the year. Just when I was getting used to driving without the fear of colliding with some Ipod wearing, cell phone talking co-ed, they return, and in hoards. Can you believe that last school year between Oct. 8 and Jan. 3rd the uiuc police gave 417 warnings to pedestrians for jay walking and general pedestrian stupidity? I wonder what it will be this year.

At least they haven’t gotten their freshman 15 yet.

Introduction

So I was talking to my friend on the phone today and we were having a conversation about a local Champaign-Urbana blog. While we both found it to be clever and insightful we couldn’t help but wonder why we weren’t doing the same thing. Heck, I like to consider myself clever. I also like to consider myself insightful. You can just think of me as Hal Sparks with slightly larger breasts.

Enjoy the blog, and tell us what you think.